My week's accomplishments

I got in and out of bed. I got dressed
three times and left home twice.

I’m still here breathing. 
I watered the mint—

what’s left of it—
for the first time in three weeks.

Ate pizza on a patio in Berkeley
and watched a Baller’s game from the stands

on an evening in West Oakland. Performed
a delicate cut and paste of words

into sentences. Cured frustration
with coffee and a chocolate cherry cream pie.

Had moments of lightly holding hope 
and disappointment in my hands.

I don’t usually start with a poem, but this new poem pretty much describes my week. Life holds both hope and disappointment, grief and possibility, sadness and joy. I have an incredibly rich and blessed life. I have poetry and a community of poets, both here on Substack and here where I live. I have work I love as an editor. We go to shows at SF Jazz—we’ve been to four this month. My favorite were the Afro-Cuban All Stars and Seun Kuti & Egypt 80. We’ve been to two baseball games, both a Giants game and an As game. We’ve had dinner with friends. I read at Beast Crawl last night. It was fun; we had to improvise a bit because there was a fire on BART so four stations were closed and the hosts couldn’t get into Oakland from SF.

And I’m struggling with depression. I haven’t snapped out of it, like I thought I might—although I’ve been dealing with this for decades and should have probably known better and reached out sooner. I’ve had trouble getting out of bed. I’ve had trouble focusing on what’s in front of me. I hate depression. I get irritable and I’m not present for my partner or friends or myself. The things to do pile up.

I have many tools. And I make use of all of them. And sometimes it’s just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other and showing up as much as I can and giving myself a break. That’s what came to me when I meditated this morning. Step back from what’s not absolutely essential for a couple of days. Be here where I’m sitting. So I might not be reading and engaging online and I might miss a few posts. I’ll catch up or I won’t and I’ll get your new posts.

Thank you to all my subscribers and the new folks, who I hope to get to know. Thanks to the folks who recommend my Substack:

Poetry Pals

and

Treasa Purcell

and

KaKa’s Poetry Garden Club

and

Daily Haiku Actual Postcard

… I wish you a wonderful Sunday.